I love you too.

fears.
fears truly are a wonderful thing.
that seems like an odd and maybe wrong statement.

especially since fear means;
a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

I faced two fears tonight really.

not exactly deathly fears, more like silly teenage girl fears. but, nonetheless, I faced them. and I didn't care that I was, really.


My dad and I went to the Eaves house tonight for a prayer meeting.

it was... amazing and intense.

I've always been afraid of crying in public. I like crying, it feels very good. but crying in public... I always felt like crying in public was a sign of weakness in someone.


but, tonight. as we sang and prayed and I thought about how much I love God, and I love the Eaves, I cried. I cried so much. silent tears just running down my face. Joe was behind me, Michael was on my left, Preston was behind me on my right, I was facing numerous people, and I cried. I just didn't care anymore. I figured the Eaves and God were so much more important than my stupid pride. my idiotic ideas. I love them so much.

I cried so much. and I didn't care.
they were worth it. and it feels so good to cry in public. it's so much more liberating then crying alone.



I love you.

Three words that don't mean that much anymore. not to me anymore. everyone says I love you. but, do they really mean it...?

I don't ever recall telling anyone 'I love you' other than my family members and my two best friends, abby and abby.


and, honestly...

I don't remember when I actually meant it.
I've often said those three words out of habit, not always out of my heart. that doesn't mean I've been lying when I say it, It's just become such a natural and quick; 'love you' or 'love ya' that I don't even think of what I'm really saying.

love isn't sex, love isn't money, love isn't materiel things, love isn't just for boyfriends or spouses.

there is absolutely no way to define love with words.
actions speak louder than words.


but tonight..

when I grasped tightly onto one of my most favorite people in the world; and buried my face in his neck, I said it. and I thought about it before I said it. I truly meant it. I said it from the bottom of my heart, and I meant it.

I love you.
and I believe that is the best hug I've ever received.

two fears. crying and I love you.
fears really do make you stronger once you face them. even if you don't realize it until later. they are there for a reason. and it's okay if you don't face them head on asap. that's okay. but let me just say that, as soon as you do... you'll have an indescribable feeling. and a feeling that you want to stay. but it won't. because it wouldn't be so special, if it wasn't so rare.

so, think about it before you say it, and mean it when you do.

three simple words.
lets make them mean something again...
something beautiful.
something selfless and kind.

I love you, I really do.



a cry for tomorrow;
cries for second chances.
a cry for the steps
in these life-and-death dances.
a cry for the boys,
a cry for the girls.
a cry for their future,
and a cry for the world.