the way she feels.

"You do anything long enough to escape the habit of living; until the escape becomes the habit.”
That's exactly what this was. abusing myself to escape from life. because I felt like I didn't deserve to feel good.
I wasn't good enough to be loved, and to feel secure and safe. addiction comes in many shapes and sizes, and can often be disguised. well, maybe not disguised, but we don't realize how badly we depend on it, until we realize we are it. we are the addiction. the addiction becomes us. it's on our mind more than anything else. more than school, more than God, more than our families or future. As I said, addiction comes in all shapes and sizes, different packages. whether it's addiction to food, drugs(legal or illegal), alcohol, or the knife.

this addiction, didn't seem so wrong anymore. it was routine. it was like a before bed routine, when all of the days stress and trials of tomorrow was on my mind. before bed: wash face, cut yourself and cry, brush teeth, hop into bed.